This week, we were kidnapped by pirates, who came into the cave and stole all our things. Including our computer (if you saw the really weird stuff that “we” posted the other day, now you know why) and our PRECIOUS!

The pirates took us and MY precious to a hot place with lots of sandses and palm trees and SALTY oceans full of fishies. It’s so hot and bright there my Precious, we could hardly see anything! The pirates tied us up and went in their cave to count their booty. THEY TOOK OUR PRECIOUS IN THERE!!!! We was tied up all day in the sun (we gots us a nice tan) until we was finally able to pull free of their filthy ropses around sundown. We hates those ropeses, they cuts our flesh and makes us stay under the hated Yellow Face (and made a funny zig-zag line that went through our tan) so we burned them and threw their ashesssss into a pitsss!!!! After dark, the buccaneers lit tiki torches and had a beach party. We killed one of the pirates and dressed up in his piratey apparel, so that we could go to that party too and blow our noses real loud with ’em. Then, after several rums, Smeagol started arguing with us about stuffs and one of the pirates said “who’s that?” and then they realized that we wasn’t one of them. They chased us to their cave where we heroically swooooped in, rescuing our PrEcIoUs, and escaped out their trap door into the sea!

They went round to their boat and sailed to where the trap door opened up, but they couldn’t find us, just a broken part of a rowboat they had stashed there. They sailed after it, wanting the Precious, but they never will finds it, because we tricksed them, we was still at the beach, oh yes my Precious and we stayed there for a good many days, sleeping all day in the pirate’s cave and coming out at night to eat nice fish and crunchable birdses. We had a fun vacation, but at the end of the week we went back home ’cause there ain’t no place like our cave.

yours trully,